… Eliminate the negative.
So let me ask you: if you were really interested in, say, learning a new language and the first thing your language teacher said was, “This is going to be really hard and you’re never going to be fluent, but you may be able to learn to understand when someone gives you directions,” would you still keep going to class? Would your heart be a little pained because your happy dreams had been stomped on?
(Okay, that first sentence was really long. Sorry.)
I bring this up because I just got back from getting some work done at a medical massage clinic here in town. As I was waiting for my turn, I overheard a therapist “answering questions” in a bored tone of voice about the clinic’s approach to massage.
Just so you know, the conversation was in an open consulting room right off the waiting room. I couldn’t help but hear.
The prospective client was in her 50′s, was dealing with pain from an accident that happened a decade ago, and she had never had massage. The lady was at the clinic to learn more and was hoping to find relief. The therapist told the lady it was going to take a lot of work, she was going to experience more discomfort in the process and there was no guarantee that any of the effort would pay off.
Now, this may all be true, but GEE WHIZ! Lighten up, Francis.
Odds are, most of you reading this are shaking your heads at this point. I have to confess it was all I could do not to butt in. The lady left, clearly discouraged. I did run out and give her a card of one of the MT’s my mom goes to. Hopefully she’ll give it a try. And I did talk to one of the senior staff about the conversation I’d overheard. So I feel less bad than I would otherwise.
This has turned into a bit of a downer entry, but here’s the perky bit. I feel encouraged and inspired to examine my the way I talk to our customers (that’s you). This is like dusting off the top of the bookshelves; you can’t see the dust but it is affecting you in a low-grade, pervasive, long-term way. I’m going to work to eliminate “don’t” statements that I use everyday.
Instead of saying, “Don’t worry about public speaking,” I can say, “It’s great you’re giving people a chance to see what a friendly, professional person you are.”
(Hmm…being positive takes more words.)
Now, here’s my little challenge to you, well, challenges, really:
A) Assuming everything the cranky massage therapist said is true, what would have been a better, more diplomatic, positive way of phrasing it?
B) What is a common “don’t” phrase you use frequently and what is your more positive re-wording?
Share.
Positively all my best,
Eileen
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4 users commented in " Accentuate the Positive … "
Your story makes my heart sad and I’m so grateful that you not only offered this woman an alternative, but that you spoke to someone higher up the food chain, so that this sort of encounter does not take place again in their clinic. Thank you!
I first would’ve expressed empathy to this woman at how difficult it must be to be living with this chronic pain and for so long. I would have applauded her for taking charge of her own health and for seeking alternative treatments when traditional healthcare had not been able to totally eradicate her pain.
I would tell her that our bodies have an amazing capacity to heal themselves and that we simply need to give it the support it needs to do what is in its nature to do.
I would have shared with her the many benefits that massage can provide and how massage can assist the body in its healing. I would share personal “success” stories of clients who had benefited from massage. And finally, that, if and when, she chose to pursue massage, I would be honored to be a part of her healing process.
Regarding a “don’t phrase”…. A specific don’t phrase doesn’t come to mind, but the intent is to state something in a positive, rather than a negative way. I was reading in a Nia newsletter how, if someone has a cold, and someone asks them how they are doing, they respond by saying “I have a cold.”
The newsletter went on to talk about how, at the point that you are experiencing symptoms from a cold, that your body was already responding to heal itself. So, instead of saying “I have a cold” you could say, and it would be true, that “I am healing.” A strong affirmation indeed!
YES!
Go, Jessica!
You made my morning.
Eileen
I’m a member of the healing community (Reiki/reflexology)and a student of metaphysics, so I understand the power of intent and the spoken word. This therapist was offered the gift of a moment in time to make a positive shift in the life of someone. This encounter was a lost opportunity for two people. It is reflective of the way the therapist looks at the world (and her healing). That negativity was layered onto the stress and misfortune of the one seeking help. Good for you for making the office aware so that the therapist has a chance to examine her approach so that the next person can (hopefully) get the help he/she is looking for.
Like Jessica, I find that the day, mine and the other person’s, goes better if statements are phrased in a positive, hopeful light. The Universe has BIG ears! Think of it as a the jeanie in the lamp….”Your wish is my command!” If you say something negative or if you say something positive, the Universe says “OK, here you go!”
I’ve been putting off responding to your entry until I can think of something fully, well, responsive. The best I can come up with is:
YES.
And I think that will do.
Keep going, Joey. Keep putting the good stuff out there.
Eileen
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