Okay, I’ve been putting this off for a while, thinking I’d get over it, but I need some coaching here. How can I tell a massage therapist that a lot of her presentation and delivery were really off-putting?
Normally if I go to a favorite restaurant, for example, and the service or food isn’t up to their usual standard, I’ll say something. As nicely and as quietly as I can, of course. I’m not angry, I just think they should know. If no one tells them, how would they be able to fix the issue before it becomes a problem? This is something I’m comfortable doing. Usually.
WHY can’t I talk to a massage therapist this way?
See, a couple months ago, I was prescribed massage by my doctor. I picked an MT my chiropractor recommended. I met her the day I made the appointment. She was cheerful and positive and her office and room looked and smelled great. Fabulous. Sign me up.
Things went downhill when I climbed up on her table to begin. The headrest was merely a vertical slit in the foam. As cavalier as I am about public germs, I couldn’t get help obsessing over what kind of illnesses clients in sessions before me may have had. Can you even clean foam? And I won’t even get into the obvious imagery. Or the smell. Just ick.
And this dear, kind, charming therapist, who I would absolutely hang out with on any given day, was the loudest talker I have ever experienced. I tried both responding very quietly and not responding at all. Didn’t work. Oh, dear.
When it’s bodywork I have a problem with, I feel like I can respond as we move through the session. And if, at the end, our styles don’t match, okay, no problem. This therapist’s bodywork itself was technically fine. This is more of a personal personal thing.
I canceled the rest of my appointments with her. I feel like I should give her an explanation but I don’t know how to start. “Your table creeps me out and you’re loud,” is not a message designed to affect positive change.
Any advice?
Also, looking back, I don’t think I’ve ever had a therapist encourage me to tell them if there is any aspect of the room or behavior that makes me uncomfortable — except music and pressure, of course.
Do you have a way clients can give suggestions and critique your work? A suggestion box? Part of your initial intake list of expectations? Any client ever share a concern in an impressively diplomatic way? Care to share?
Thanks,
Eileen
Forecast: Sandra wrote in a question to the Just Ask page about chair work she’s been doing with a senior group. She loves the population and values the income. Now they are offering her a year-long contract, but want to reduce her fee. I called in Cherie Sohnen-Moe on this one, since she’s an experienced smartypants. You can read her immediate response towards the bottom of the Just Ask page. I’ll be fleshing things out for Monday’s entry. See you then.
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4 users commented in " Please Tell Me: how do I tell a therapist there’s a problem? "
I’m 100% positive that the MT is in it to make money and would really appreciate knowing why she won’t be making any money with you. I think you can say, “I canceled the rest of my appointments with you because I got creeped out thinking about whether the foam on your face rest could be washed or not and I prefer silent massages and you don’t.”
It will relieve her from going into dreadful fantasies about why you don’t like her.
Yes, I was very high school about it and I’m terribly embarrassed. I’m in the process of writing her a letter and I’m stuck. I need the advice of professionals.
Eileen
Dear Eileen, Yes, I like your idea about a suggestion box labelled something like “How may we/I serve you better?” or something of that nature. Honestly, I’ve had more ‘bad/poor’ massages than I’ve had good ones and because I’m paying for a service, I honestly ‘demand/expect’ that a therapist should be responding to what I’m telling them. For me, a bad massage implies that a therapist has disregarded whatever I’ve asked them to focus on and/or not being professional(a perfect example of lack of professionalism would be a talkative therapist)or, worst case scenario, they just don’t have essential bodywork skills (ugh!). Unfortunately, it seems that either the educational requirements aren’t stringent enough in regards to include a client-focused level of professionalism which I believe to be so crucial in the service of clientele.
Well, I’ve gotten a bit off track here but I would like to try and empower anyone who is receiving a massage (from myself or anyone else) that this is their space in time that they are spending money on and this in itself justifies their right to speak up about what has not worked for them. Honestly, this therapist will go on and on and possibly be oblivious to what her issues are–ick~!
This wasn’t a right fit and though I can’t comment on the skills of your therapist…from my perspective, the environment; attitude; demeanor as well as the actual massage itself are ALL features of whether or not the session was a good one for you. Guess I’m just saying that this kind of thing irks me as well and its distressing to share also that I’ve had more than my share of ‘talkative’ therapists–typically, after I’ve shared with them that I also am a therapist. To me, this does not give them carte blanche to go off on whatever topic suits them…its still my time on the table and gosh, when you’re laying there (naked or almost naked under the blanket), you most certainly feel vulnerable and this to me, is utter lack of respect on the part of the therapist towards their client, to be talking throughout the session. (k, I’m off my soapbox now
Soapbox away, NJ!
Actually, I did end up writing her and the doctor who recommended her a letter. Although I have, unsurprisingly, had no response, I feel better.
So my question is: what do you say when you realize that is going to be one of Those Sessions?
Thanks again for your enthusiasm and desire to better the healing arts community.
All my best,
Eileen
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